Jan Fowler will emcee a senior dating conference for 300 people June 6 at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center in CA.  Both widowed and divorced, she is a frequent speaker on senior dating and loves to share the story of how she herself met “just the right man” in a ballroom dancing class at a local senior center.  Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others”, to be nationally aired soon.  You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic:  Loving relationships yield infinite rewards.

One of our greatest needs as human beings is to feel spiritually, physically,  and emotionally connected to others.  From cradle to coffin, it’s a known fact that people of all ages thrive far better when touched, talked to, cared about, and loved.  In fact, the overall quality of life is greatly enhanced and improved by that special connection.

Yes, loving relationships yield infinite rewards, including many overlooked keys to happiness.  While healthy people are usually socially bonded and enjoy a better sense of well-being, socially isolated and lonely people often experience a sense of emptiness and declining health.  Haven’t we all read of studies which show that married people live longer?

Oh, there is so much power in love!

Since I am both widowed and divorced, I recall the initial scars of loss and grief, plus the dreaded fear of starting over again.  And yet I longed for another rewarding relationship “with just the right person” to share my life with, to go places with, and to talk to.  I recall how uneasy I felt at first and how I kept putting it off–it seemed so much easier to choose emotional isolation over the fear of getting hurt.

But “No!” a voice screamed in my brain.  “No, no, no!  You must take a chance and put yourself out there!”

And so one day, I met David in a ballroom dance class—a waltz and rumba lesson, I vividly recall—on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local senior center.  We quickly became dance partners, then dating partners.  That was four years ago, and the rest is history…I’m happy to say that he and I have been together ever since.

Many of my senior contemporaries are meeting quality men and women every day on Internet dating sites and are learning to laugh and live again.  They report a better sense of belonging from having developed new close personal relationships.  I feel that we seniors need to bombard ourselves with lots of encouraging “self-talk” by substituting “I’m too old to try something new” with “It’s never too late to discover someone new and wonderful!”

We all need purpose, friendship, supportive people, and loving relationships.  By the way, volunteering is always a wonderful first step in making some new social connections–I urge you to give it a try.

Someone once said, “Don’t ask if it’s hard, ask if it’s worth it.”  And, yes, it’s worth it!  So please keep at it and never give up.  I sure am glad I put myself out there and attended that ballroom dance class…just think…it was just another ordinary Monday afternoon…

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  “A New Year, a New Beginning!”

A new year.  A new beginning.  How lucky we are!  The new year always opens the door to a fresh start, renewed hope, and provides us the chance to set new goals or remind ourselves of the endless possibilities that still lie ahead for our lives.

Time to drop the fear of failure and not be afraid to move forward.  But a fresh start does require putting the past behind us.  So let’s close that door firmly on the old year.  Look forward, not backward.  To stay in balance, we must forget about the setbacks and failures of yesterday and instead boast a positive shining winning attitude, full of positive expectancy.   Because we should never never never give up on the hope of finding love and romance again! It happens all the time.

After all, Marilyn met Larry while checking her mail in the lobby of the apartment building where he lived on the seventh floor and she on the fourth.  Amanda met Will at a forty-fifth high school reunion, and I met David in a waltz and rumba ballroom dance class on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local Senior Center.

Could it be that all of us were open to the possibility of meeting someone new?  You know what I mean.  That we hung our “availability” shingle rather than our “no vacancy” sign on our foreheads?  Being open is an outlook and attitude which may need to be cultivated and practiced, you know.  It’s a way of connecting with another person, perhaps first with a casual smile and confident eye contact, then followed by light-hearted remarks, including good-natured humor if possible.

You might start by introducing yourself–first name only—and asking a simple question, e.g., “How do you happen to know…(here, you mention the host’s name if you met at a party)?” or “How long have you been coming to…(name the class you’re attending)?” or “How are you liking (again, name the activity you’re both participating in) so far?”  I remember asking David which dance—waltz or rumba–he liked the best.  It really doesn’t take much to make small talk, but you may want to hone your skills by practicing on total strangers in everyday places such as while waiting in a long line at the movies.

Even though school and work are among the most common meeting places, the Internet is buzzing with potential partners just waiting to fall in love with you.  Admittedly, it takes some effort to create an upbeat profile, post a recent photo, and weed out the “unsuitables”, but I nevertheless urge you to give it a try!  New dating sites are opening up all the time, so use bravado and switch to a new one if that’s what it takes to lift your spirits.  After all, Jerry and Donna, my dear friends who met online and discovered they only lived ten minutes apart from each other, are still as happy as can be after five years of marriage.

It’s a brand new year, folks, so please stay open to meeting your true love and never give up!

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic: “What ever happened to my high school sweetheart?”

By now, we’ve come to recognize the importance of remaining open to meeting new love everywhere we go.  Which means always looking our best, smiling at members of the opposite sex, making eye contact with strangers, and cheerfully replying to anyone who greets us.  Even taking advantage of the opportunity to strike up small talk or light conversation while waiting in line at the bank, check-out counter, or post office may send the signal that we just might be available to continue the conversation at another time, possibly over coffee.  And although many seniors have succeeded in finding romance and friendship via online dating services, I wonder how many have ever made the effort to reconnect with a hard-to-forget high school or college sweetheart.

In my new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, I devoted one entire chapter to senior love and romance and would now like to share one inspiring love story in hopes that it may give you new ideas about a fresh approach to seeking a loving mate.  This touching story excerpt is found in the chapter titled “Falling in Love Again”.  Do hope you enjoy…

Five Small Diamonds

by Myrna Lou Goldbaum

I remember the time I was working at a Colorado fair when an older gentleman approached me to ask if he could please have his palm read.  My poster, which read “SOUL MATE SPECIALIST,” had apparently caught his eye.  When we first began the reading, I could see that his first love had been twenty years old, but that it had never led to marriage.  He had offered, but she’d turned him down because he was about to leave for the service.  She feared he might not return home and refused to promise to wait.

His immediate response and reaction to my reading was an overwhelming “Yes!”  He quickly added, “Flying in a plane over Guadalcanal, I even carried her picture in my watch fob on a chain all through the war.  But when I returned home she had already married someone else.”

I continued my reading. “You were married at age twenty-seven and your marriage lasted fifty years, but you’ve been a widower now for about a year.”

Nodding, he asked, “And are you able to see the experience that I just had?”

Oh, yes.  I could see that his old flame had reappeared in his life once more, and also that something very wonderful was about to happen.  It was then that he began to relate his inspiring story.

As a Peoria, Illinois, native, he was an alumnus of Peoria High School and his alumni newsletter carried the announcement of his wife’s death.  His old girlfriend—the love of his youth who, by now, had lost her own mate four years earlier—read his name in the newsletter, then spent four months trying her best to track him down.  First, she called their high school, then the Chamber of Commerce, his relatives, as well as old Illinois friends.  At last, she was able to locate the brother of his best friend who explained that this gentleman was living in Colorado Springs.  She called Information and finally got his telephone number.

“I see that you have been in contact,” I said, adding, “and I see travel, plus a move in the near future.”

“Yes, she lives in Texas!” he excitedly explained.  “When she called me, I almost fell down.  She said she was lonely and invited me to her home, so I immediately went to see her the very next day!  We spent one wonderful week together and quickly rekindled our love.

“While we were out shopping at the mall one day, I managed to slip into a jewelry store while she was next door in a dress shop.  I asked to see engagement rings, so the storeowner pulled out two trays of assorted rings to show me.  Some were beautiful solitaires, while others were set with smaller diamonds.

“As soon as she came out of the dress shop, I called her into the jewelry store and proposed right there on the spot.  Well, she cried, I cried, the store owner cried, and all the sales clerks cried too.  We were so happy that they even snapped a picture of us to use in their ads.  When I told her she could choose any ring at all, she pushed the solitaire ring tray aside. ‘This one,’ she said, and pointed and smiled. “I’d like a simple ring with five small diamonds set in platinum.’

“It was not one of the more expensive rings on display so I was perplexed, and had to ask what made her decide to select that particular ring.  ‘It has five diamonds,’ she replied with a smile, ‘which will always represent the five decades when we missed being together.’

“So now I’m moving to Texas! I plan to take care of her for the rest of our days,” he said, beaming with excitement.

Myrna Lou Goldbaum is a master palmist years with sixty years’ experience reading forty-seven thousand palms. She is a teacher, coach, entertainer, TV producer-host of “Soul Mate Connections,” and author of May I See Your Hand?, Soul Mate Connections, and Diary of a Palm Reader.  (303) 651-6273.  www.myrnaloupalmistry.com or  hmg@privatei.com

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  One easy way of inviting a man or woman you’ve just met to give you a call.

Have you ever considered having some inexpensive business cards printed with your first name only, phone number, and possibly a cute logo of your favorite or special hobby?  Then doing what one nice-looking man did after talking while walking alongside me for a full three blocks from the outlying parking lot to the hospital lobby, where I was headed to visit a patient?

Just before nodding goodbye, he unexpectedly, but pleasantly, charmed and disarmed me by handing me such a card, saying “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

He made his point.  And I was flattered.

We can often tell if someone we like also likes us. Think about it–it really doesn’t take long for sparks of chemistry to fly.

Just think of how many times we may have met a man or woman we’re attracted to at a senior dance, a country western dance, a ballroom dance class, a community event where we’re volunteering, or even while standing in a long line at the post office.  In fact, there are countless places where we might fall into casual conversation, including the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

I’ve often struck up a conversation with a handsome man while attending a free museum event, gallery opening, or community reception where punch and hors d’oeuvres set the stage for easy mingling.   In retrospect, I sure wish I had known how to “invite” a man I just met and liked to call me!  Just the other day, my girlfriend phoned me to bemoan the fact that she had just spent five hours sitting next to a dreamy guy on an airline flight with whom she enjoyed great conversation.  Now she’s kicking herself for not having such a card handy in her pocket or purse to give him afterwards!

A card is a simple technique, it’s tasteful, socially acceptable, and classy.  Maybe you’ll hear from the person, maybe not, but in no way have you lost face.  And because you’ve flattered the person you’ve handed your card to, they’re bound to say thank you.  Remember, you have to keep putting yourself out there and not wait for the world to come to you!  What are you waiting for?  Do you have a better idea?

And in case you’re wondering if I ever followed through with the “invitation” to call the attractive man at the hospital… The only reason I didn’t is because I was already involved in a serious committed relationship.  Had I not been, however, I most definitely would have contacted him.  You bet!  He was respectful, likeable, good-looking, and there’s no denying that we both felt chemistry.

So you just might want to remember these two magic sentences, “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

Jan Fowler is a television producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and takes great pleasure in discussing the serious relationship she now enjoys with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a local senior citizens’ center.  Look for her book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories—including a chapter devoted to real-life stories about senior love and romance—due out soon (Balboa Press, a Division of Hay House).  www.janfowler.com or jan@janfowler.com

All right, so you’ve decided the time has come to seek love, romance, and companionship for yourself.  Good for you!  But please don’t be upset or shocked if you discover that your family or friends aren’t as supportive of your decision to date as you had expected.  They may feel jealous, threatened, or are still grieving the loss of your former mate.  Please don’t argue with them.  Be respectful of their feelings and opinions–just don’t compromise your own decisions.

And whether we’re widowed or divorced, bear in mind that part of dating involves our willingness to make a fresh start.  At first, it’s easy to be deluded into believing we might find an exact replacement—a mirror image—of our former mate (in the event that there was one), who holds the same set of values, ethics, and code of behaviors which we had become so accustomed to.  Nope. We must accept new people for who they are.

It’s also important to remain open to meeting a “match” just by going through the course of our routine activities.  Just because we’ve signed up on a dating site or matchmaking service doesn’t mean we need limit our thinking.  After all, Bob met Martha while waiting for their luggage at the Southwest baggage claim.  Fifteen minutes of casual conversation was all they needed to spark some chemistry!  That was nearly ten years ago and today they’re happily celebrating their ninth anniversary.  But even more astonishing is how fate brought Jim and Marianne together.  Can you imagine—the two met on a flat tire!  All he did was stop to help her out on the shoulder of a busy highway, then follow her to safety.

Hmm…could that mean we should take pride in our appearance everywhere we go?  Which, in turn, raises such questions as… And might it be time for a trim or a haircut?  A more stylish wardrobe?  A newer more updated look?  Or a trip to the fitness center to firm and tone unwanted bulges?  Think about it.  But in the meantime, here are some important rules of senior dating etiquette for us to consider:

~ Ladies, regardless of how you met the gentleman, always allow him to call you for the first

date.

~ If you’re meeting face-to-face for the very first time, for goodness sakes, be considerate.

Don’t be late!  Avoid raising your date’s anxiety level with the sinking feeling that you

might be a “no-show”.  Being prompt speaks well for your character.

~ Choose a public place, such as a coffee house, restaurant, or library in which to meet.

(Lunch or coffee are more casual and less intimate than dinner.)  Offer to pay for your

own food or beverage.  And you might casually mention that you have another

commitment afterwards so you have a polite excuse to leave.

~ Avoid rude behavior such as getting drunk, flirting with others, texting or talking on your

cell phone.

~ Speak with confidence and not about the fact that you’re a nervous wreck inside!  Smile!  Be

upbeat and pleasant, even if you’re disappointed in your date.

~ Never talk on and on about your former mate, regardless of how wonderful you say they

were (or how awful).  State the facts about your past, but be clear that you’re now ready to

open a new chapter in your life.

~ Men, it’s always gentlemanly to call to thank the lady afterwards.  Ladies, following the first

date, please allow the man to take the initiative.  But if you liked him, it’s perfectly okay to

send him a text or email saying that you enjoyed yourself.

~ Use common sense, folks.  Never reveal personal information, such as the dollar amount

of your pension.  Even if you think you’re with the most trusted person in the world, never

mix love and money!

Next issue, we’ll discuss one easy way to invite a man or woman whom you’d like to hear from to give you a call.

Jan Fowler is a television producer/host, national speaker,  and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  Look for her book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including senior love and romance–written by seniors, for seniors, and about seniors, due out in October (Balboa Press, a Division of Hay House). www.janfowler.com or jan@janfowler.com

Life is an odysey.  We’re all trying to make the most of it…you never know what’s right around the corner.  And if you’ve been blessed to live till now, then your dating life is far from over!  It makes no difference whether you’re in your 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, or 100-plus.  It is my hope to help you stretch your vision for your life and inspire you to join the millions of us seniors who’ve decided we’re not going to just sit around waiting for our arteries to harden.

Instead we’re out there taking a chance on meeting someone new!  Did I say ‘in your 90s’?  Did I say ‘100’?  Well, I’m here to tell you that estrogen and testosterone may be driving forces till we’re 100 years old.  How could I possibly know that?  Because I witnessed it firsthand in skilled nursing facilities during the years when I was a speech pathologist working with recovering stroke patients.  Many of my patients remained flirtatious with members of the opposite sex from their wheelchairs! We thought nothing of it.  To us, it seemed perfectly natural.

Senior dating is becoming more and more common because we’re living longer than ever before and everyone wants and needs love and companionship, whether we’re willing to admit it or not.

We seniors are not falling apart!  We’ve discovered we can’t have the rose without the thorns, so we’ve learned the value of taking better care of ourselves by eating sensibly, exercising regularly, thinking good thoughts, and staying connected to others.  However, we must also adapt to our changing world because dating etiquette has changed considerably over the years (more about that later).

AARP reports the most widely cited reasons seniors give for dating is to have someone to talk to and to go places with.  After all, loving friendships help us thrive and none of us should be alone for long.

Dating after 60 & 70 is probably more to our benefit than we realize, even though we may feel a bit nervous at first.   But think of it this way…we have more life experience now and know what to look for, both positive & negative.  And as we age, we all become better judges of character, don’t we?  In fact, there’s probably little in life we haven’t seen or heard before.  Besides which, senior daters are fun because we have a better sense of humor.

So many people meet their mates at work, but since we may be retired, we should remain open to possibilities everywhere we go.  That means always looking our best, smiling at everyone, giving good eye contact, appearing friendly, happy, confident, and open to conversation, especially when standing in line at the bank or grocery store.   And by the way, the Internet is not a fad, folks.  It’s definitely here to stay.  Think of online dating as a numbers game.  One married couple I know who met on a dating site discovered they lived just one block apart!  You never know, so please keep at it and never give up!

Next issue, we’ll discuss the latest on senior dating etiquette.

When my friend’s mother passed away a couple of years ago from a horrible bout with cancer, I had never seen anyone more heartbroken than my friend’s father.  His wife had been the love of his life and though their marriage had the typical ups and downs like any marriage, they were the real deal.  True soul mates in every sense.  So when my friend told me that in recent weeks, her father decided to check out a senior dating website, I was slightly surprised.  But not completely.

This man is one of the most romantic men I have ever met and obviously he and his departed wife discussed the fact that he should not spend the rest of his life mourning for her.  After a couple of years of being alone and mourning his loss, he was tired of being alone.  He met several lovely women on a senior dating website, but one in particular caught his fancy.  Though it had been literally a lifetime ago that he had dated and pursued another woman other than his beloved wife, he was a natural.  My friend was amused and slightly aghast at watching her father make his “moves.”  On the other hand, she realized it was the healthiest thing for him to do.  It was time for him to move on.

The change in my friend’s father since he has started romancing this new woman is astounding.  He is back to his old self and it is very clear that he is happier than he has been in a long time.  He did admit to feel a bit guilty when he discovered he had strong feelings for this new woman, but he was able to talk it out with his grown children, friends and family.  He realized it was natural to feel like he was “cheating” on his wife; but also knew, in the end, it was psychologically healing to find a new companion.

He wined and dined this new gal of his, and seemed to regain the youthful quality he had lost when his wife had been in the throes of battling her cancer.  He was like a teenager again, and it was adorable to watch him and his new lady hold hands, sneak kisses and embrace as often as they possibly could.  Everyone was happy to see he had found someone worthy of his generosity, love and affection.  No one could fill the shoes of his wife, and this new woman, to her credit, didn’t try.  But she was lovely and they obviously enjoyed each other’s company tremendously.

Romance has no age or time limit.  It can sweep in when you least expect it to, and heal you from previously horrendous challenges.  I am thrilled that my friend’s father has been able to release the grief over losing his wife and find joy, love and romance in the arms of a truly wonderful woman.

Photo via bayan160

When you reach a certain age, that number should start to be irrelevant.  You’re older and wiser and that’s all anyone ever really needs to know.  If you’re proud of your age, shout it from the rooftops.  If it’s something you’d rather not discuss, that is certainly your prerogative.  Senior dating should be no different.  Gone are the days when the woman should be younger than the man, and in the scheme of things, does it really matter?  If there is mutual compatibility between two people and you can take some of the loneliness out of each other’s lives, then what’s the difference what number your driver’s license says you are?

If you’re stopping yourself from visiting a senior dating website because you don’t feel it is age appropriate, think again.  It’s difficult for anyone who is no longer in college to meet new people.  The Internet is one of the best ways for you to meet people you wouldn’t normally meet and find mutual interests that you can share together.  Age should have nothing to do with it.

Obviously, if you are hoping to find a long-term relationship with someone, age will definitely play a role.  People in the same generation usually have more shared interests; but remember there will be plenty of people your own age now dating online too.  Multiple websites for dating seniors are abundant and based upon your own unique interests, you will certainly find a site that is right for you.

If you meet someone you hit it off with, that should be the most important thing.  There are plenty of women out there dating men significantly younger than they are.  The point is, if the relationship is successful and offers the two people in the relationship some happiness and camaraderie, then you should never worry what other people might be saying.  Finding happiness within a relationship is a very individual thing; everyone’s needs are different.  So put away the doubt and worry and find yourself a senior dating site that has members that appeal to you. Create your own dynamic online profile and start reading the many other profiles that await you. You never know who you may meet regardless of their age.  These are your golden years; have fun and enjoy yourself.  And hopefully, you won’t have to be alone anymore.

The last thing that may be on your mind after your spouse passes away is to start senior dating.  Obviously, going through the grieving process is essential and you’ll need to surround yourself with the support and love of your friends and family.  Time does indeed heal all wounds, and eventually as you mourn your loss, you may begin to feel lonely.  Dating doesn’t have to necessarily lead to romance and marriage.  But it can help you bridge the gap between marriage and being widowed.  Looking for someone to share activities with might actually help you get over the loss of your loved one.

Many people feel guilty when they start dating after their spouse has died.  There is no reason to feel guilt.  If you do, you may want to join a support group to discuss these feelings.  It’s perfectly natural to feel alone and scared and you may not be willing to start dating.  However, many of the people you will meet on senior dating websites have been through this exact same thing.  They know what it’s like to lose their loved one and they know the loneliness that comes with being alone after being married for such a long time.

If you do decide you are ready to start dating, keep things very simple and casual.  Find an activity partner; someone you can go to dinner or the movies with.  Someone to play cards with or simply take a walk or enjoy a workout together.  If you meet someone in your similar situation, you will have plenty of things to discuss and talk about and you can mutually support each other through this difficult period.

Don’t ever try to force yourself to do something you’re not ready to do.  And remember that by dating someone new, does not mean you loved your spouse any less.  But life goes on and you have to find a way to adjust to this new phase of your life.  Why do it alone? If you are nervous or scared to begin dating again, find a friend or couple who would be willing to double date with you.

Rebecca Barker is a PhD level Speech Language Pathologist who has dedicated more than 20 years to working with geriatric patients. She has managed rehabilitation programs in skilled nursing facilities in Washington and Arizona and has served as a clinical speech specialist, supporting treatment of the elderly for 32 skilled nursing facilities. Here’s what Dr. Barker has to day on dating in the golden years.

What do seniors look for in a late-in-life relationship?

Companionship.

What tends to de-rail a senior romantic relationship?

Several things. Sticking one’s nose in the partner’s family business and affairs, attempting to control the partners finances, ill health that exceeds the partners ability to manage. Grown children frequently interfere and try to derail the relationship for a variety of reasons but a biggie is that they don’t want anyone “taking Mommy/Daddy’s place” or money.

Why are seniors hesitant to date?

Their last partner was an ass. They don’t feel desirable any more. It takes too much effort.  Their grown children frown on it.

Do seniors who have relationships do better in nursing homes and assisted livings?

Everyone who has relationships does better – in or out of a nursing home or assisted living facility. Residents of facilities are sadly, given more attention by the health care workers if family and friends are frequent visitors.

What is different about dating for seniors than for younger people?

Death is not as likely…  But seriously, demeaning attitudes and comments by others.  I hear, “That is disgusting,” ”How silly,” “No fool like an old fool,” and the condescending, “Aren’t they cute?”  For seniors in a facility, private time is likely more difficult to find with caretakers, family and staff overseeing every moment.  Also, they’re hampered by a lack of independence – reliance on others to orchestrate visits, etc.

What should seniors watch out for when dating?

Scams. An 85 year old male friend of mine was scammed by a little snippet and was in danger of financial disaster. They need to be sensitive to their family member concerns about the relationship while maintaining some autonomy.  It can be a bit of a balancing act.

Are facilities supportive of residents dating? Why or why not?

It depends. If the resident has designated someone with power of attorney – and that person says “No Way,” then the facility does its best to keep the two apart. If there is no designated power of attorney, and the facility has reason to believe that both partners have enough marbles to consent, then they can’t disallow the relationship.

What advice would you give to a senior who is considering getting back out there?

Same as I would a younger person: take care of your heart and your pocketbook.

Photo via Assessment Tool Shop