Jan is an award-winning columnist on senior living, a television producer/host, and author of Hot Chocolate for Seniors book. She is a popular emcee and frequent inspirational speaker at senior expos and anti-aging conferences on the topics of “Finding Love & Romance at Any Age!”, ” Keeping Your Dreams Alive”, and “Seniors Adapting to Our Changing World”. Both widowed and divorced, she now enjoys the ideal relationship with “just the right man” whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a local senior center more than four years ago. You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic: When Friendship Turns to Love

Friends first, and then lovers…isn’t that the way it should be?

More often than not, a relationship begins with casual dating. In fact, we often brush it off lightly, explaining “Oh, we’re just friends”. Then one day, it hits us that our connection with our dating partner has skyrocketed from a comfortable level of companionship to a deeper richer bond called love. It happens all the time. Yes, it is perfectly normal for a sudden shift in the relationship to occur after many months–or even years–of friendship.
So what are the signs of this sudden shift? And how do we recognize when a close friendship has blossomed into love? Well, we’re almost guaranteed to recognize it by the light-hearted euphoric feeling of well-being that overcomes us—a feeling that our life has been magically transformed. Of course, there are numerous other subtle (and not-so-subtle) indicators that the power of love has taken over and bloomed in our
lives.
Consider the following. You pretty much know you have fallen in love when:
~ You realize that you’ve become one another’s best friend. She’s the first one you call when you
have exciting news to share…He’s the first one you turn to whenever you need a lift.
~ You can no longer ignore a powerful surge in body chemistry and physical attraction which you
feel for one another. (Chemistry is an essential part of any relationship.)
~ You begin to read each others’ minds–there’s a stronger emotional connection between you now.
~ You love to surprise and delight, as well as please, your mate.
~ You experience escalating emotions of tenderness and playfulness which you want to express.
~ You long to see each other more often and talk, text, or email one another more frequently
throughout the day.
~ You feel an increased desire to connect on a deeper level and to share more of what’s on your
mind.
~ You love being together and feel you can express yourself freely.
~ You may experience feelings of jealousy when you accidently run into your mate’s former love
partner, causing you to inquire “Who was she/he”?
~ Your phone conversations last longer.
~ You begin sharing mutual dreams and using words like “we” and “us”.
~ Your life feels turbo-charged by an unmistakable air of magic!
So without even realizing it, all along the way you’ve been building one another’s mutual trust, confidence, and love. No, the time has not been wasted, for there’s no better romance than a union built on the intimacy and closeness of a longtime friendship. Combine that with an understanding of one another’s needs, mutual respect and loyalty, and you have some wonderful ingredients for love and happiness.

We all need love and companionship, whether we’re willing to admit it or not. After all, we’re living longer lives and there is nothing quite as wonderful and fulfilling as having “just the right person” to go places with and talk to. Life is an ongoing odyssey…we never know what’s right around the corner, including the very real possibility that a longtime trusted friend could end up being our perfect love mate. What a magical discovery it is when friendship turns into love!

Jan Fowler will emcee a senior dating conference for 300 people June 6 at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center in CA.  Both widowed and divorced, she is a frequent speaker on senior dating and loves to share the story of how she herself met “just the right man” in a ballroom dancing class at a local senior center.  Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others”, to be nationally aired soon.  You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic:  “Speed Dating”

Today is a wonderful day to celebrate our lives and all that we have to be grateful for, including new opportunities to make social connections every single day!  We never know where or when our true love may show up.  Just think, Harriet met Russell when he stopped to pet her dog and Betty met Jack when she slowed down to ask directions from him while he was outdoors washing his new car.  In both instances, each couple ended up being swept off their feet by the person of their dreams.  I might add that both of these “ chance meetings” took place years ago and that these  very same couples are still happily enjoying life together.

As I’ve said before, we don’t necessarily have to remarry later in life.  The important thing is to find “just the right person” to go places with and to talk to.  But these things take time and we musn’t give up.  The fact that you’re reading this column, however, is a sign that you’re undoubtedly hoping to expand your social circle, so congratulations on taking a step in the right direction!  Your true love could be just around the corner.

But if you’re still looking for a safe venue in which to meet a romantic partner, maybe it’s time to try something new.  So how about checking your local area to see what’s available in speed dating, also referred to as no-waiting dating, pre-dating, one-minute, six-minute, or eight-minute dating?

Speed dating allows you the opportunity to meet live people face-to-face and provides a chance to pick and choose someone you’ve had a chance to actually see and talk to.  What better way to know if a person appeals to you and if you feel enough chemistry to cast a vote to get to know them better?  Here are two examples of how it works.

One type of event involves a balanced mix of men and women who are assigned to sit at tables for eight.  First, each person is given one minute to talk about themselves, then a signal is given for everyone to rotate to a different table and meet seven new tablemates.  This same process is repeated until everyone has cycled through all the tables.  The best part, however, is that at the end of the evening, everyone fills out scoresheets to indicate who they’d like to know better, and if any two people have written down each other’s name, it’s considered a match and they can take it from there.   Some people, of course, will undoubtedly end up with no matches, but then others will come away with more than one.  An event like this is often followed by a dance or social mixer.

Another type of activity may involve ten or twelve single candidates who line up awaiting their turn to be individually interviewed by a person who’s seeking to find a match for themselves.  Each candidate might spend five to eight minutes answering key questions about themselves, after which the interviewer decides whether or not they’d like to pursue any further connection with them.

Although speed dating events vary in style and format, most take place in a safe and friendly relaxed social atmosphere, often with music, refreshments, or entertaining social ice-breakers provided.  Generally, an affordable fee is charged to cover expenses, but they are all priced differently.  And inasmuch as speed dating opportunities are springing up more and more across the United States, sponsorship is usually local so you must go online or read your local newspaper to find out information about upcoming events.

So are you ready to explore something new and expand your social life?  No one should be shut out of the social scene, regardless of their age!  Speed dating is becoming increasingly popular and has attracted nationwide recognition as a safe and enjoyable way to bring singles together in a relaxed setting.  So if something’s missing in your life, you may want to give this approach a try.  We are never too old to try something new, provided it’s safe and sensible.

Whatever you decide, the best of luck to you.  As I’ve said before, we all need friendship, purpose, and loving relationships.  So never never never give up on the possibility of attracting someone new and wonderful in your life because each new day holds infinite possibilities.  Believe it!

Jan Fowler will emcee a senior dating conference for 300 people June 6 at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center in CA.  Both widowed and divorced, she is a frequent speaker on senior dating and loves to share the story of how she herself met “just the right man” in a ballroom dancing class at a local senior center.  Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others”, to be nationally aired soon.  You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic:

“Overcoming ‘First-Date’ Jitters”

Do you happen to be among the millions who are seeking to calm those nerve-wracking “first-date” jitters?   It’s easy to feel ruffled–even awkward, apprehensive, and shaky–when meeting or dating someone new for the very first time.   After all, no one likes to face possible rejection.  And even though most of us have heard such well-intended advice as “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, such pearly wisdom doesn’t always seem to help, does it?

But in truth, a first date is not much different from other challenging first-time encounters which we seniors face all the time.  After all, don’t we occasionally attend job interviews, place sales calls to customers, apply as candidates for training programs, or even attend meetings where we try to convince the committee to accept our product or ideas?

Since it will soon be springtime—the season of new beginnings–I would like to propose some new thought, namely three recommendations to help boost self-assurance and overcome “first-date” jitters.  After all, without a first date, you can’t ever get to the third.

First, be willing to step outside your comfort zone by using positive self-talk, much like I did when faced with the scary challenge of zip lining on a recent trip to Puerta Vallarta, Mexico.  Part of my challenge involved arduous steep climbs in order to reach a series of eleven separate cables, each of which varied in length.  We were then instructed to hang on to our pulley tightly, lean back, straighten our legs, then zip along each cable, one of which stretched across deep wide canyons with a darkened tunnel in between.  At least twice, we hit speeds of 50 miles per hour!

And even though I knew I was wearing a backup harness for safety, at times the experience was still so terrifying to me—very much like dangling all alone mid-air above the Grand Canyon!—that I steeled my nerves by using positive self-talk over and over.  “I’m merely flying inside a small airplane, I’m merely flying inside a small airplane.”  It worked!  Not only did I enjoy the thrill of flying without panic, but secretly enjoyed bragging about my experience later to my “worldly” college-age grandsons.

Similarly, whenever we’re faced with nervous “first-date” jitters, I suggest we tell ourselves something along the line of  “Lucky me, I’m about to meet someone new and I’m just fine with however it turns out…I’m just fine with however it turns out…”

2.  Be willing to risk trying something new, much like the author of one of the short stories from my new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors.  In “The Courage to Place the Ad”, Shirley describes how at first she was adamantly opposed to placing an ad in the “Senior-meet-Senior” listings in her local newspaper.  She finally overcame her resistance, however, decided to give it a try, and soon met a man she really liked—over the phone, that is.

But when the time came for the face-to-face “first-date” with Jim at a Black Angus restaurant, Shirley nearly backed out at the last minute because of nervous jitters.  Again and again, she argued with herself, “What on earth are you doing at this age?”  Fortunately, she regained her composure in the nick of time, used positive self-talk, and showed up.  The beautiful pay-off is that Shirley and Jim have now been happily married for more than eleven wonderful years!

3. Take the authority over your thinking.

There is amazing power in our thoughts!  But it’s up to us to take the authority over what we think.  I urge you to tell yourself that there’s no harm in taking a chance and to assume an attitude that life is an ongoing journey, full of many wonderful unexpected surprises.  Think positive thoughts and focus on how natural it feels to meet new people every single day.  When it comes to a first-date, there really is nothing to lose, provided we’ve picked a safe and sensible place to meet in the first place, as Shirley did.

Do remain polite though if you decide to cut the meeting short—being respectful speaks well for your character.  A simple tactful explanation such as, “Oops, I’m running late…must pick up a grandchild after school” is all that’s ever needed.

So I hope you will be willing to step outside your comfort zone by using positive self-talk, risk trying something new, and take the authority over your thinking.  What if Shirley had allowed fear to control her thinking?  Would she have ever met Jim?  Or known the joys of falling in love again?

And if things turn out to be disappointing, I urge you to always always always get back up, dust yourself off, and try again another time because life is full of infinite miracles and endless possibilities.   For as Rev. Robert Schuller said, “Anybody can count the seeds in an apple, but only God can count the apples in a seed.”

In modern society, people constantly search for the things that stimulate their senses and imaginations the most. Special effects have become the most important art in filmmaking, athletes’ fame peaks at the moment of their most extreme accomplishments, and the most scandalous news remains in the headlines the longest. In themselves, these trends are understandable and completely human, but what seems sad is the overall downplaying of things like consistency, decency, and the understanding that the most important examples of beauty aren’t superficial. Jan Fowler’s book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, is a wonderful reminder of these qualities. This assemblage of uplifting anecdotes has little flashiness or shock value, but paradoxically it delivers on its very ambitious goals in a beautifully unassuming fashion.

Hot Chocolate for Seniors is an assemblage of anecdotes, not short stories. The distinctions between the two are that generally speaking, short stories are longer, plot driven, fictitious, and written to convey a complex theme. Fowler’s anecdotes are unpretentious, abbreviated, and contain themes that are quickly accessible to casual readers. While these characteristics separate the book from high literature, they are also the source of some of its greatest strengths.

Fowler’s book can be picked up and put down at basically any increment the reader desires, and sense it is an assemblage of individual stories, months of neglect will not undermine the reading experience. This is one of Hot Chocolate for Seniors’ greatest strengths as a gift item. Normally the biggest problem with giving someone a book is that it is a commitment to sit down and read. As great as The Brothers Karamazov might be, it’s a bit presumptuous to assume the recipient is going to be able to commit a hundred or so hours to actually reading it, especially over an appropriately short period of time. So even though the experience and thematic strength of Hot Chocolate for Seniors does not necessarily build as the reader penetrates deeper into it, the tradeoff is that the style of the book affords the reader extreme flexibility in how they choose to read it. It could be read in one day, gradually of the course of months, or in fifty page spurts over any time period. It doesn’t matter to the reading experience.

As for the easy accessibility of the themes, while this would normally bring up thoughts of obnoxiously familiar sitcom endings, Hot Chocolate for Seniors conveys them with enough originality to bring them back to life. The anecdotes sometimes revolve around images, like burnt toast, or plot lines with uplifting conclusions, but Fowler’s selections always seem to deliver a refreshing new spin on ideas that are normally conveyed clumsily. Love, commitment, intimacy…ideas like these are all but ruined through inarticulate, grandiose overuse, however Hot Chocolate for Seniors replaces these vapid images with specific, commonplace examples that are much more intimate and true to life.

Another strength of Fowler’s selections is the writing. In a manner conforming to their unpretentious imagery and storylines, the writing is admirably unadorned. From time to time the stories do lapse into the use of trite colloquialisms, but this is unavoidable in a book by various authors centered on romance and family values. All things considered, the brevity of the stories combines with the efficiency of the language for one of the cleanest, easiest reading experiences available.

Though hot chocolate is a strong metaphor, a better one would be comparing Fowler’s work to an effective, soothing medicine. If it does its job it’s not a daily necessity, it may occupy a bedside table for weeks without use, and in an ideal world it probably wouldn’t exist at all. But even though it seems neglected it is too valuable to be forgotten, you’re thrilled that you have it when you need it, and it’s a soothing influence that allows you to focus on the important things. Some readers may feel suspicious that such a light read could bear such fruit, but ultimately, actually rather quickly and repeatedly, Hot Chocolate for Seniors delivers on its goal of conveying comfort, perspective and wisdom.

Jan Fowler will emcee a senior dating conference for 300 people June 6 at the Rancho Cucamonga Senior Center in CA.  Both widowed and divorced, she is a frequent speaker on senior dating and loves to share the story of how she herself met “just the right man” in a ballroom dancing class at a local senior center.  Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others”, to be nationally aired soon.  You may order her new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, at hotchocolateforseniors.com or (909) 793-6419.

This month’s topic:  Loving relationships yield infinite rewards.

One of our greatest needs as human beings is to feel spiritually, physically,  and emotionally connected to others.  From cradle to coffin, it’s a known fact that people of all ages thrive far better when touched, talked to, cared about, and loved.  In fact, the overall quality of life is greatly enhanced and improved by that special connection.

Yes, loving relationships yield infinite rewards, including many overlooked keys to happiness.  While healthy people are usually socially bonded and enjoy a better sense of well-being, socially isolated and lonely people often experience a sense of emptiness and declining health.  Haven’t we all read of studies which show that married people live longer?

Oh, there is so much power in love!

Since I am both widowed and divorced, I recall the initial scars of loss and grief, plus the dreaded fear of starting over again.  And yet I longed for another rewarding relationship “with just the right person” to share my life with, to go places with, and to talk to.  I recall how uneasy I felt at first and how I kept putting it off–it seemed so much easier to choose emotional isolation over the fear of getting hurt.

But “No!” a voice screamed in my brain.  “No, no, no!  You must take a chance and put yourself out there!”

And so one day, I met David in a ballroom dance class—a waltz and rumba lesson, I vividly recall—on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local senior center.  We quickly became dance partners, then dating partners.  That was four years ago, and the rest is history…I’m happy to say that he and I have been together ever since.

Many of my senior contemporaries are meeting quality men and women every day on Internet dating sites and are learning to laugh and live again.  They report a better sense of belonging from having developed new close personal relationships.  I feel that we seniors need to bombard ourselves with lots of encouraging “self-talk” by substituting “I’m too old to try something new” with “It’s never too late to discover someone new and wonderful!”

We all need purpose, friendship, supportive people, and loving relationships.  By the way, volunteering is always a wonderful first step in making some new social connections–I urge you to give it a try.

Someone once said, “Don’t ask if it’s hard, ask if it’s worth it.”  And, yes, it’s worth it!  So please keep at it and never give up.  I sure am glad I put myself out there and attended that ballroom dance class…just think…it was just another ordinary Monday afternoon…

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  “A New Year, a New Beginning!”

A new year.  A new beginning.  How lucky we are!  The new year always opens the door to a fresh start, renewed hope, and provides us the chance to set new goals or remind ourselves of the endless possibilities that still lie ahead for our lives.

Time to drop the fear of failure and not be afraid to move forward.  But a fresh start does require putting the past behind us.  So let’s close that door firmly on the old year.  Look forward, not backward.  To stay in balance, we must forget about the setbacks and failures of yesterday and instead boast a positive shining winning attitude, full of positive expectancy.   Because we should never never never give up on the hope of finding love and romance again! It happens all the time.

After all, Marilyn met Larry while checking her mail in the lobby of the apartment building where he lived on the seventh floor and she on the fourth.  Amanda met Will at a forty-fifth high school reunion, and I met David in a waltz and rumba ballroom dance class on an ordinary Monday afternoon at a local Senior Center.

Could it be that all of us were open to the possibility of meeting someone new?  You know what I mean.  That we hung our “availability” shingle rather than our “no vacancy” sign on our foreheads?  Being open is an outlook and attitude which may need to be cultivated and practiced, you know.  It’s a way of connecting with another person, perhaps first with a casual smile and confident eye contact, then followed by light-hearted remarks, including good-natured humor if possible.

You might start by introducing yourself–first name only—and asking a simple question, e.g., “How do you happen to know…(here, you mention the host’s name if you met at a party)?” or “How long have you been coming to…(name the class you’re attending)?” or “How are you liking (again, name the activity you’re both participating in) so far?”  I remember asking David which dance—waltz or rumba–he liked the best.  It really doesn’t take much to make small talk, but you may want to hone your skills by practicing on total strangers in everyday places such as while waiting in a long line at the movies.

Even though school and work are among the most common meeting places, the Internet is buzzing with potential partners just waiting to fall in love with you.  Admittedly, it takes some effort to create an upbeat profile, post a recent photo, and weed out the “unsuitables”, but I nevertheless urge you to give it a try!  New dating sites are opening up all the time, so use bravado and switch to a new one if that’s what it takes to lift your spirits.  After all, Jerry and Donna, my dear friends who met online and discovered they only lived ten minutes apart from each other, are still as happy as can be after five years of marriage.

It’s a brand new year, folks, so please stay open to meeting your true love and never give up!

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic: “What ever happened to my high school sweetheart?”

By now, we’ve come to recognize the importance of remaining open to meeting new love everywhere we go.  Which means always looking our best, smiling at members of the opposite sex, making eye contact with strangers, and cheerfully replying to anyone who greets us.  Even taking advantage of the opportunity to strike up small talk or light conversation while waiting in line at the bank, check-out counter, or post office may send the signal that we just might be available to continue the conversation at another time, possibly over coffee.  And although many seniors have succeeded in finding romance and friendship via online dating services, I wonder how many have ever made the effort to reconnect with a hard-to-forget high school or college sweetheart.

In my new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, I devoted one entire chapter to senior love and romance and would now like to share one inspiring love story in hopes that it may give you new ideas about a fresh approach to seeking a loving mate.  This touching story excerpt is found in the chapter titled “Falling in Love Again”.  Do hope you enjoy…

Five Small Diamonds

by Myrna Lou Goldbaum

I remember the time I was working at a Colorado fair when an older gentleman approached me to ask if he could please have his palm read.  My poster, which read “SOUL MATE SPECIALIST,” had apparently caught his eye.  When we first began the reading, I could see that his first love had been twenty years old, but that it had never led to marriage.  He had offered, but she’d turned him down because he was about to leave for the service.  She feared he might not return home and refused to promise to wait.

His immediate response and reaction to my reading was an overwhelming “Yes!”  He quickly added, “Flying in a plane over Guadalcanal, I even carried her picture in my watch fob on a chain all through the war.  But when I returned home she had already married someone else.”

I continued my reading. “You were married at age twenty-seven and your marriage lasted fifty years, but you’ve been a widower now for about a year.”

Nodding, he asked, “And are you able to see the experience that I just had?”

Oh, yes.  I could see that his old flame had reappeared in his life once more, and also that something very wonderful was about to happen.  It was then that he began to relate his inspiring story.

As a Peoria, Illinois, native, he was an alumnus of Peoria High School and his alumni newsletter carried the announcement of his wife’s death.  His old girlfriend—the love of his youth who, by now, had lost her own mate four years earlier—read his name in the newsletter, then spent four months trying her best to track him down.  First, she called their high school, then the Chamber of Commerce, his relatives, as well as old Illinois friends.  At last, she was able to locate the brother of his best friend who explained that this gentleman was living in Colorado Springs.  She called Information and finally got his telephone number.

“I see that you have been in contact,” I said, adding, “and I see travel, plus a move in the near future.”

“Yes, she lives in Texas!” he excitedly explained.  “When she called me, I almost fell down.  She said she was lonely and invited me to her home, so I immediately went to see her the very next day!  We spent one wonderful week together and quickly rekindled our love.

“While we were out shopping at the mall one day, I managed to slip into a jewelry store while she was next door in a dress shop.  I asked to see engagement rings, so the storeowner pulled out two trays of assorted rings to show me.  Some were beautiful solitaires, while others were set with smaller diamonds.

“As soon as she came out of the dress shop, I called her into the jewelry store and proposed right there on the spot.  Well, she cried, I cried, the store owner cried, and all the sales clerks cried too.  We were so happy that they even snapped a picture of us to use in their ads.  When I told her she could choose any ring at all, she pushed the solitaire ring tray aside. ‘This one,’ she said, and pointed and smiled. “I’d like a simple ring with five small diamonds set in platinum.’

“It was not one of the more expensive rings on display so I was perplexed, and had to ask what made her decide to select that particular ring.  ‘It has five diamonds,’ she replied with a smile, ‘which will always represent the five decades when we missed being together.’

“So now I’m moving to Texas! I plan to take care of her for the rest of our days,” he said, beaming with excitement.

Myrna Lou Goldbaum is a master palmist years with sixty years’ experience reading forty-seven thousand palms. She is a teacher, coach, entertainer, TV producer-host of “Soul Mate Connections,” and author of May I See Your Hand?, Soul Mate Connections, and Diary of a Palm Reader.  (303) 651-6273.  www.myrnaloupalmistry.com or  hmg@privatei.com

Jan Fowler is a TV producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and enjoys discussing the serious relationship she now shares with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a senior citizens’ center.
Look for her new television show, “The Jan Fowler Show for Baby Boomers & Others” which will be nationally syndicated beginning in January.  The show will focus on  topics of interest for those approaching retirement, including current events about the future of social security, healthcare, retirement benefits, etc. After November 20, you may order Jan’s new book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including real-life stories about senior love and romance–from hotchocolateforseniors.com.

This month’s topic:  One easy way of inviting a man or woman you’ve just met to give you a call.

Have you ever considered having some inexpensive business cards printed with your first name only, phone number, and possibly a cute logo of your favorite or special hobby?  Then doing what one nice-looking man did after talking while walking alongside me for a full three blocks from the outlying parking lot to the hospital lobby, where I was headed to visit a patient?

Just before nodding goodbye, he unexpectedly, but pleasantly, charmed and disarmed me by handing me such a card, saying “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

He made his point.  And I was flattered.

We can often tell if someone we like also likes us. Think about it–it really doesn’t take long for sparks of chemistry to fly.

Just think of how many times we may have met a man or woman we’re attracted to at a senior dance, a country western dance, a ballroom dance class, a community event where we’re volunteering, or even while standing in a long line at the post office.  In fact, there are countless places where we might fall into casual conversation, including the waiting room at the doctor’s office.

I’ve often struck up a conversation with a handsome man while attending a free museum event, gallery opening, or community reception where punch and hors d’oeuvres set the stage for easy mingling.   In retrospect, I sure wish I had known how to “invite” a man I just met and liked to call me!  Just the other day, my girlfriend phoned me to bemoan the fact that she had just spent five hours sitting next to a dreamy guy on an airline flight with whom she enjoyed great conversation.  Now she’s kicking herself for not having such a card handy in her pocket or purse to give him afterwards!

A card is a simple technique, it’s tasteful, socially acceptable, and classy.  Maybe you’ll hear from the person, maybe not, but in no way have you lost face.  And because you’ve flattered the person you’ve handed your card to, they’re bound to say thank you.  Remember, you have to keep putting yourself out there and not wait for the world to come to you!  What are you waiting for?  Do you have a better idea?

And in case you’re wondering if I ever followed through with the “invitation” to call the attractive man at the hospital… The only reason I didn’t is because I was already involved in a serious committed relationship.  Had I not been, however, I most definitely would have contacted him.  You bet!  He was respectful, likeable, good-looking, and there’s no denying that we both felt chemistry.

So you just might want to remember these two magic sentences, “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.  If you’d ever like to talk some more, please call me—I’d like that!”

Jan Fowler is a television producer/host, national speaker, and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  She is both widowed and divorced, has done considerable dating, and takes great pleasure in discussing the serious relationship she now enjoys with a gentleman whom she met in a ballroom dance class at a local senior citizens’ center.  Look for her book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories—including a chapter devoted to real-life stories about senior love and romance—due out soon (Balboa Press, a Division of Hay House).  www.janfowler.com or jan@janfowler.com

All right, so you’ve decided the time has come to seek love, romance, and companionship for yourself.  Good for you!  But please don’t be upset or shocked if you discover that your family or friends aren’t as supportive of your decision to date as you had expected.  They may feel jealous, threatened, or are still grieving the loss of your former mate.  Please don’t argue with them.  Be respectful of their feelings and opinions–just don’t compromise your own decisions.

And whether we’re widowed or divorced, bear in mind that part of dating involves our willingness to make a fresh start.  At first, it’s easy to be deluded into believing we might find an exact replacement—a mirror image—of our former mate (in the event that there was one), who holds the same set of values, ethics, and code of behaviors which we had become so accustomed to.  Nope. We must accept new people for who they are.

It’s also important to remain open to meeting a “match” just by going through the course of our routine activities.  Just because we’ve signed up on a dating site or matchmaking service doesn’t mean we need limit our thinking.  After all, Bob met Martha while waiting for their luggage at the Southwest baggage claim.  Fifteen minutes of casual conversation was all they needed to spark some chemistry!  That was nearly ten years ago and today they’re happily celebrating their ninth anniversary.  But even more astonishing is how fate brought Jim and Marianne together.  Can you imagine—the two met on a flat tire!  All he did was stop to help her out on the shoulder of a busy highway, then follow her to safety.

Hmm…could that mean we should take pride in our appearance everywhere we go?  Which, in turn, raises such questions as… And might it be time for a trim or a haircut?  A more stylish wardrobe?  A newer more updated look?  Or a trip to the fitness center to firm and tone unwanted bulges?  Think about it.  But in the meantime, here are some important rules of senior dating etiquette for us to consider:

~ Ladies, regardless of how you met the gentleman, always allow him to call you for the first

date.

~ If you’re meeting face-to-face for the very first time, for goodness sakes, be considerate.

Don’t be late!  Avoid raising your date’s anxiety level with the sinking feeling that you

might be a “no-show”.  Being prompt speaks well for your character.

~ Choose a public place, such as a coffee house, restaurant, or library in which to meet.

(Lunch or coffee are more casual and less intimate than dinner.)  Offer to pay for your

own food or beverage.  And you might casually mention that you have another

commitment afterwards so you have a polite excuse to leave.

~ Avoid rude behavior such as getting drunk, flirting with others, texting or talking on your

cell phone.

~ Speak with confidence and not about the fact that you’re a nervous wreck inside!  Smile!  Be

upbeat and pleasant, even if you’re disappointed in your date.

~ Never talk on and on about your former mate, regardless of how wonderful you say they

were (or how awful).  State the facts about your past, but be clear that you’re now ready to

open a new chapter in your life.

~ Men, it’s always gentlemanly to call to thank the lady afterwards.  Ladies, following the first

date, please allow the man to take the initiative.  But if you liked him, it’s perfectly okay to

send him a text or email saying that you enjoyed yourself.

~ Use common sense, folks.  Never reveal personal information, such as the dollar amount

of your pension.  Even if you think you’re with the most trusted person in the world, never

mix love and money!

Next issue, we’ll discuss one easy way to invite a man or woman whom you’d like to hear from to give you a call.

Jan Fowler is a television producer/host, national speaker,  and award-winning columnist on senior topics.  Look for her book, Hot Chocolate for Seniors, featuring more than 100 heartwarming, humorous, inspiring stories–including senior love and romance–written by seniors, for seniors, and about seniors, due out in October (Balboa Press, a Division of Hay House). www.janfowler.com or jan@janfowler.com

Life is an odysey.  We’re all trying to make the most of it…you never know what’s right around the corner.  And if you’ve been blessed to live till now, then your dating life is far from over!  It makes no difference whether you’re in your 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, or 100-plus.  It is my hope to help you stretch your vision for your life and inspire you to join the millions of us seniors who’ve decided we’re not going to just sit around waiting for our arteries to harden.

Instead we’re out there taking a chance on meeting someone new!  Did I say ‘in your 90s’?  Did I say ‘100’?  Well, I’m here to tell you that estrogen and testosterone may be driving forces till we’re 100 years old.  How could I possibly know that?  Because I witnessed it firsthand in skilled nursing facilities during the years when I was a speech pathologist working with recovering stroke patients.  Many of my patients remained flirtatious with members of the opposite sex from their wheelchairs! We thought nothing of it.  To us, it seemed perfectly natural.

Senior dating is becoming more and more common because we’re living longer than ever before and everyone wants and needs love and companionship, whether we’re willing to admit it or not.

We seniors are not falling apart!  We’ve discovered we can’t have the rose without the thorns, so we’ve learned the value of taking better care of ourselves by eating sensibly, exercising regularly, thinking good thoughts, and staying connected to others.  However, we must also adapt to our changing world because dating etiquette has changed considerably over the years (more about that later).

AARP reports the most widely cited reasons seniors give for dating is to have someone to talk to and to go places with.  After all, loving friendships help us thrive and none of us should be alone for long.

Dating after 60 & 70 is probably more to our benefit than we realize, even though we may feel a bit nervous at first.   But think of it this way…we have more life experience now and know what to look for, both positive & negative.  And as we age, we all become better judges of character, don’t we?  In fact, there’s probably little in life we haven’t seen or heard before.  Besides which, senior daters are fun because we have a better sense of humor.

So many people meet their mates at work, but since we may be retired, we should remain open to possibilities everywhere we go.  That means always looking our best, smiling at everyone, giving good eye contact, appearing friendly, happy, confident, and open to conversation, especially when standing in line at the bank or grocery store.   And by the way, the Internet is not a fad, folks.  It’s definitely here to stay.  Think of online dating as a numbers game.  One married couple I know who met on a dating site discovered they lived just one block apart!  You never know, so please keep at it and never give up!

Next issue, we’ll discuss the latest on senior dating etiquette.